hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
