Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
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I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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