ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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