He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
