I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Operation Purity has been aborted
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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