So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
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