They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
