Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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