Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
