she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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