Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
