I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
