Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
