That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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