who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
