I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
