no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
