I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
