Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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