We won't sleep together?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
