HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
