You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
