you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I need a beard to bite.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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