I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
