Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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