everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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