i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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