Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I need a beard to bite.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
