I'm so fucking centered right now
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
