Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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