don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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