so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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