Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

bitch so ugly she owes me an erection

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(303): View more from Colorado

Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.

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(706): View more from Georgia

just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.

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(440): View more from Ohio

By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.

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(419): View more from Ohio

Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...

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(585): View more from New York

Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window

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(614): View more from Ohio

We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg

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(606): View more from Kentucky

When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.

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