Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
