It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
