went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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