I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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