so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
