I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
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my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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