got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'