there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles