I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
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oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
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If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.