How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
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Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
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DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.