if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?