I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately