If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he shaved USA in his pubs
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My balls are so social today.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.