Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
As shirtless as possible
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
