i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
