I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
