You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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