I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
