just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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