lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
