it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
