Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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