Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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