i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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