Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
