Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Blood and glitter go together right?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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