Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
