Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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