Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
