YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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